Tracey Martin is a Sustainable Lifestyle Leader and author and has been a certified Transformational Life Coach as well as health, life and wellness advisor for more than 25 years. Tracey’s mission is simple, to protect our natural resources, planet, and our most precious resource: humankind. She is sharing her knowledge with us in this weekly column and this week Tracey builds on defining your “why” by discussing toxic relationships.
Sustainable Living – “Defining the why” series… So far we have covered our food, our workouts and our purchases. Let’s move on to our relationships.
Why stay in a toxic relationship?
This is a common question that we engage in while we are having lunch or out having a drink with our friends. We can see it so clearly when it is someone else’s story. Why then is it so hard for us to see it for ourselves? Why do we stay in these relationships? What is the currency we are receiving by staying? Do we lack self esteem? Are we fearful? Have we grown accustom to the “feeling?”
Defining what we DO want it in our lives is just as important as defining and identifying what we DO NOT want. This is where it requires a little bit of work, self reflection and pure honesty. Not with the other person but with ourselves. Working on “self” is the first step to bringing a healthy relationship into our lives. It means that we are no longer willing to settle or lower the bar. What might this look like?
1) Have a high level of self worth. This means that you know what you bring to a relationship, job or friendship. You will value the same in those around you. Values are aligned.
2) Romantic relationships. Most people believe relationships are hard work. Well, half of that is true. It is work, but it shouldn’t be “hard” or a complete struggle. If something requires constant work and seems to bring the worst out in both people, than it is not a healthy and loving relationship. The heavy lifting should be done by both people to create the kind of life they want together.
3) Work relationships. Having a boss that challenges you is a good thing. Having one that belittles you and constantly tells you that you are not good enough, is not a healthy environment to be in. Once you have enough of #1 you will know when it is time to move on. Forever growing and evolving.
4) Self love. Never fear being alone. This is one of the most common reasons people stay. They don’t want to be by themselves. What will people think? You can be lonely even while you are in a relationship if it is not a fulfilling one. Be willing to walk away from what no longer serves you. Put healthy boundaries in place.
We either lead a life that feeds us or depletes us. This includes our relationships. Take inventory. Make a commitment to yourself and define who will be in your life. Surround yourself with those that lift you up. Celebrate you and cheer you on.
If you have comments or questions you would like to see addressed in this column, please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org.
For a private one on one with Tracey text 602.568.4124.